Yasmine Abdulhafeez – Women in Development and Peace
Yemeni women are caught between lofty ideals of social, economic, and political liberation and a society clinging to traditions that deny them basic rights, including the right to marry.
Amidst the social and cultural hardships facing many Yemeni women, “spinsterhood” has emerged as a significant social challenge in a society that clings to a traditional view of women, refusing to acknowledge them as individuals with rights. This isn’t unique to Yemen; many Arab countries face the same issue.
Society as a whole bears responsibility for this phenomenon, clinging to discriminatory practices based on wealth, social status (e.g., tribal affiliations), and other class and cultural distinctions that reinforce spinsterhood among young men and women.
Key Social and Cultural Factors
Several social and cultural factors have increased spinsterhood in Yemen over time. These factors include high dowries and exorbitant wedding costs, tribal customs in some areas that restrict marriage to within the tribe or between prominent families, gender disparities in education leading to mismatched expectations and educational levels, and societal views in some regions that undermine women’s ability to make their own marriage decisions. Furthermore, societal norms favor early marriage for girls, and exceeding a certain age often leads to a woman being labeled a “spinster.”
Aya Sulaiman, like many other girls, is passionate about finishing university and achieving financial independence through a fulfilling career. This would allow her to build a good life for herself and her family without relying on anyone else.
Aya lives in a rural area of Taiz with her parents and five siblings. She’s the only one in her family to attend university, earning her family’s support for her education and her move to the city to study.
Aya says, “Our culture is complex. A woman who studies and works is seen as open and bold, making it hard for a man to marry her because she mixes with men and travels alone. That’s my struggle. Many men have proposed to my sisters; one is getting married next year, and another is holding out for the right person, but no one has proposed to me because I’m educated and ambitious.”
She questions, “What’s wrong with a woman getting an education? Why are educated women seen as undesirable marriage partners? Are uneducated women somehow better at building families and raising children than educated women?” She stresses the need for awareness campaigns to change societal mindsets and liberate women from restrictive traditions that deny them their rights.
Aya points out that many women complete their studies and achieve professional success, yet remain considered unsuitable for marriage. Men often propose marriage on the condition that the woman quit her job and stay at home. Rejection of this condition renders her ineligible for marriage, leading many men to seek uneducated women or those who accept their terms. This is common in many Yemeni regions still governed by tradition.
Aya believes educated women in Yemen pay a price for their education, facing the specter of spinsterhood. Despite this pressure, many women persist with their education and careers, prioritizing financial independence and ambition over marriage. Many aspire to further education abroad or start their own business, and many have achieved this despite the challenges.
Intertwined Factors
Journalist Abdul-Wasi’ Al-Fatki believes numerous intertwined factors significantly contribute to Yemen’s rising spinsterhood rate. These factors influence a family’s acceptance or rejection of a potential marriage partner for their daughter. He stresses that marriage criteria have drastically changed; the requirements for forming a family are different now.
He points to rampant racism and classism. Parents now heavily consider social standing when accepting or rejecting a marriage proposal. Certain groups in Yemeni society are considered unacceptable by families or tribes, including “Akhdham,” “marginalized,” barbers, “Mazayna,” butchers, and those selling vegetables like onions and leeks. These groups face social barriers, restricting marriage to specific groups and leading families to refuse to marry off their daughters to them.
Al-Fatki continues: “Recent conditions in Yemeni society have produced a new culture where money is the primary factor in accepting or rejecting a marriage proposal. Guardians heavily focus on the groom’s finances; his financial stability and ability to provide a good life are essential for acceptance.”
Al-Fatki discusses social factors contributing to Yemen’s rising spinsterhood, noting society’s rejection of polygamy: “There’s a significant campaign by some women against polygamy. Families and wives reject the idea of a second wife. Sometimes, women seek divorce, but oddly, after divorce, they remarry, often to already married men.”
He notes that many young men avoid marriage due to difficult economic conditions and widespread marital problems resulting from deteriorating financial situations, leading to conflicts between couples and their families.
He adds that a considerable number of young men have developed a new culture, seeking beautiful or wealthy women, focusing their attention on specific groups.
He points to a reluctance to marry working women; it’s believed that marrying a working woman might lead to neglect of the marital life, especially considering the problems faced by couples who married working women.
Al-Fatki says, “Economic factors are crucial, especially with the ongoing conflicts and currency devaluation, leading to exorbitant wedding costs. Wedding ceremonies have changed, including multiple pre- and post-wedding events like engagement, marriage contract, and Yemeni fashion parties; all financially burdensome for the groom.”
He adds, “Often, dowries are demanded in foreign currency, not Yemeni rials. Some girls refuse to marry young men just starting out, preferring those who are more established. Conflicts have resulted in the death of many young men and the widowhood of many women, causing a rise in spinsterhood. All these factors delay marriage, significantly increasing spinsterhood.”
Family Restrictions Preventing Marriage
“Many young men and women in Yemen face family pressure preventing marriage,” says social activist Sabah Ahmad. “Reasons include financial concerns related to supporting families or fear of losing inheritance to outsiders. Excessive parental love for their children can also fuel fear of their marriage. Customs and traditions play a significant role; some guardians force their children into marriages within the family, leading some children to rebel and remain unmarried.”
Nawal Mohammed (a pseudonym) couldn’t get married despite many proposals, because her father refused. She’s the only daughter, shoulders significant household responsibilities, and supports the family financially with her job, while her brothers work daily labor.
She says, “Lots of guys proposed, but none met my dad’s impossible demands. He completely refuses the idea of me marrying and leaving home. Even relatives tried to convince him, but it was no use.”
She couldn’t convince her father, so she didn’t dare rebel. “Sometimes I think about rebelling against his rejection of every suitor, but seeing it would hurt them financially, I convince myself to compromise for them.” Her responsibilities are growing with her mother’s age and illness; she can’t handle the housework alone and helps her father with expenses, fearing marriage will impact her work.
Traditional Marriage Standards
Journalist Osama Al-Karbash says, “Traditional Yemeni marriage standards—tribe, origin, ethnicity, geography—are ancient customs and social heritage, still hugely influential in choosing partners.”
He adds, “These standards often contribute to a higher rate of unmarried women in society; marrying within the tribe or clan ensures the continuation of social ties, reinforcing the importance of maintaining the purity of tribal lineage and ensuring social acceptance, making marriage outside the tribe unacceptable and reducing marriage opportunities.”
He continues, “Regional and ethnic preferences also affect marriage prospects; staying within the local community or relatives is preferred. This creates restrictions, social isolation, and reduces chances with different geographic or ethnic backgrounds.”
Al-Karbash believes the focus on family lineage, with society divided into hard-to-intermarry groups, reinforces ethnic superiority, complicating finding a partner who fits these standards, making remaining single preferable to marrying under such constraints.
Building a Strong Family
Amin Salih Al-Aliani, Professor of Modern Literature and Criticism at Lahj University, stresses women should believe education builds strong families, and marriage can support educational goals. He emphasizes that women should shed the misconception of marriage hindering education, which could reduce spinsterhood.
He adds, “Women should realize economic circumstances require partnership; neither spouse should forget the other’s contribution to shared goals.”
He says educated women shouldn’t abandon partners who helped them achieve their ambitions, avoiding a condescending view if the partner is less educated. This misconception can make less-educated men hesitant to marry educated women.
He says, “Seeking a perfect partner is unrealistic; women should consider polygamy if single marriage fails. Life’s full of trials; women might achieve success without marriage, or vice-versa.” He urges men not to judge women solely on physical beauty, but on qualities like education and contribution.
He stresses that a woman’s education shouldn’t be seen as showing off or threatening a man’s status. He adds, “Men shouldn’t view a woman’s education as solely economic; women refuse to be seen as income sources without the man’s actual participation. He should share responsibility for support, according to his role as head of household.”
Al-Aliani continues, “Men must abandon the idea of needing to be the most educated; marriage should be cooperative and simple. They must recognize educated women are essential for family success, playing a key role in family education. We must curb ignorance and appreciate women’s contributions and effectiveness, not just their ideals.”