Hanan Hussein – Women in Development and Peace
The phenomenon of spinsterhood in Yemen isn’t simply a matter of personal choice; it’s a complex interplay of economic, social, and cultural factors. It requires a deeper understanding and societal policies aimed at easing the pressure on young people entering marriage. Some women and men may postpone marriage to pursue personal and professional goals, but societal views on delayed marriage remain largely negative. Unmarried women are often labeled “spinsters,” a term carrying a strong negative connotation.
Yemeni Societal Discourse
Terms like “spinsters” and “old maids” are commonly used in Yemeni society, as in others, to refer to women who marry later than what is socially accepted. However, there’s no specific age defining “missing the boat,” as this concept is relative and varies across regions and cultures. Some women might be considered “too old” in their twenties, thirties, or even forties.
Dr. Mahmood Al-Bukari, a sociology professor, explains that “spinsterhood,” as a social term, refers to a woman marrying later than considered “normal,” reaching an age that reduces her chances of marriage and leading to disappointment for both the woman and her family, who might feel pressured to accept any marriage proposal regardless of suitability.
Fatima Bala’jam, a family counselor, points out that the concept of “spinster” has changed significantly in the last ten years. Women over 25 and men over 30 are now often considered “spinsters,” although she hesitates to use the term.
Dr. Mohammed Omar, a psychologist, believes the concept of “spinsterhood” is heavily influenced by societal culture and values. In Yemeni society, he says a woman over 25, or even 22 in more conservative areas, might be considered to have missed her chance at marriage, according to these norms.
Factors Delaying Marriage
Dr. Mahmood Al-Bukari cites several factors contributing to the prevalence of spinsterhood in Yemen, varying by region. Social factors rank highest, relating to customs and traditions that complicate marriage. Many explicit and implicit social conditions hinder marriage, such as social differences between families and issues of lineage and inheritance.
He adds, “Then there are economic factors like poverty, unemployment, and the inability of young people to afford marriage expenses, build a family, and manage the costs of married life. Cultural factors include a preference for marrying within the family and prohibitions against marrying outside the family in some areas, sometimes even boasting about extravagant wedding costs, among other things.”
Limited Awareness
Regarding societal awareness of the negative impact of these factors on young people, Fatima Bala’jam stresses that some in Yemeni society lack sufficient awareness to give young women and men the support needed to complete their education or achieve their educational aspirations without psychological pressure.
She explains that while society may initially encourage a girl to pursue higher education, perhaps even a doctorate, the pressure mounts when marriage is delayed. The woman faces criticism and stigmatization for being unmarried and older, labeled a “spinster,” without regard for circumstances beyond her control that prevented marriage.
Strong Personality Is a Barrier!
Several factors contribute to women delaying marriage, according to Fatima. A strong personality and education are among them. She says, “Most men don’t want to marry a well-educated woman who knows her rights. One father said he’d marry off his son to a young, easily molded, and obedient girl. Ironically, this same father makes sure his daughters get a good education, yet he refuses to let his son marry an educated woman.”
Mohammed Omar explains that economic factors, especially in Yemen, are the main reasons for delayed or avoided marriage. The deteriorating economy has driven up wedding costs, causing delays according to complex societal norms and laws.
A psychologist, who preferred to remain anonymous, told Women in Development and Peace newspaper that another reason for avoiding marriage in Yemen is the strong influence of TV shows and social media. Both men and women are affected by idealized relationship portrayals. Men may seek women resembling their favorite on-screen heroines, while women may wait for their “knight in shining armor,” rejecting suitors who don’t meet these unrealistic standards.
A Prevalent Viewpoint
Mohammed Omar explains that the negative cultural view of women over 25 as unsuitable for marriage clashes with physical and psychological realities. Women gain maturity, understanding, and insight with age, but upbringing and societal values shape this perspective.
He adds, “There’s a misconception that a man can’t be happy with an older woman. He prefers a younger woman, believing she’ll adapt to his values and behavior. Older women, however, show more independence, potentially opposing their beliefs and behaviors. This makes some men avoid older women.”
A Legal Perspective
Lawyer Jamal Al-Ja’ami says, “Yemen has one of the highest fertility rates in the region, so discussing spinsterhood or early marriage is somewhat irrelevant to social reality. If you look at the media, you’ll see that talk of spinsterhood and its growing danger is exaggerated, and present in all conservative Arab and Islamic societies. This is due to the unequal relationship between men and women. Otherwise, spinsterhood wouldn’t be linked only to women; men can also be ‘spinsters,’ but nobody talks about that. Spinsterhood is a widespread and potentially serious phenomenon.”
He continues, “The law encourages early marriage, but spinsterhood and divorce succeed or fail based on their circumstances. The different perspective in our region stems from the fact that spinsterhood, like divorce, leaves a woman without a family. This is a limited view; it sees marriage as protection and spinsterhood as shame. In reality, an independent woman can be married or unmarried without impacting her life.”
The Impact of Conflict
Dr. Al-Bukari explains, “Conflicts negatively affect all aspects of life, including young people’s ability to marry and build their future. Young people may be forced to stop their education, halting opportunities for development programs and projects in all fields, thus increasing spinsterhood rates.”
Fatima agrees, stating, “Conflict has increased displacement in many Yemeni governorates, leading to social instability and family breakdown. For example, if a fiancé and his family move to another area, the girl’s family may have to cancel the engagement.”
Regarding the long-term effects of spinsterhood on women, Fatima Bala’jam says, “Negative consequences include psychological pressure leading to depression and isolation. When someone finds themselves in a different situation than their peers who have become parents, the pressure intensifies, worsened by societal judgment. This leaves them feeling vulnerable and weak.”
Bala’jam points out that these individuals may need intensive therapy and support from family and friends. The negative impact of words like “spinster” can be deeply hurtful and should be avoided.
Mohammed Omar explains that the psychological effects are significant. The older you get, the fewer opportunities for marriage you have, and the greater your need for companionship and children to care for you. This takes a toll mentally. Added to this is the feeling of inadequacy when facing societal judgment – you feel like you’ve “expired.” This view shakes your personality, making you hostile and withdrawn.
He adds, “This weakness and feeling of rejection create rebellious behavior against society, customs, traditions, and norms. You see some deviancy or misguided openness. Some women, out of envy, may even try to ruin the lives of others due to their feelings of inadequacy. But on the other hand, some take the positive route, focusing on achieving their goals through work and education.”
The Ugly Truth About Classism
Mohammed Omar discusses the impact of ongoing conflicts in Yemen on the economic and social landscape, preventing young people from getting married. He points out that young girls may become widows due to these conflicts, becoming widows at a young age. Additionally, society faces racism in marriage, with some families preferring to marry into specific social classes. This hinders everyone’s chances of marriage and delays their entry into “the golden cage.”
The Solutions
Dr. Al-Bukari suggests that awareness of the importance of marriage is crucial. There should be community initiatives to eliminate negative social customs and traditions, including the high dowry system, which treats women as commodities. He also stresses the need to help those struggling financially to get married.
Fatima Bala’jam offers several suggestions to reduce societal pressure on the unmarried, including community awareness about the importance of women’s education and their value in society. A woman’s higher education level doesn’t diminish her worth. She also suggests making marriage more affordable, simplifying wedding ceremonies, and providing psychological support to those who have passed the typical marrying age. It’s also important to advise young people on the sanctity of marriage and encourage it, not scare them away from it.
Psychologist Mohammed Omar proposes that a solution doesn’t involve only advice; the relevant authorities should actively supervise this issue by creating committees of religious scholars, social workers, psychologists, and others involved. They would create comprehensive plans to address this issue through awareness campaigns and supervision of conflict-ridden areas and cities. They should hold public gatherings, like Friday sermons, and use social media to facilitate marriage and educate society that a woman’s value doesn’t decrease if she passes a certain age.