Women in Development and Peace – Haneen Al-Wahsh
Waking up to the sound of buzzing electromagnetic devices, slowly opening her eyes and resisting the invading lights, she turned to her right to discover she was in the intensive care unit, struggling to regain her memory. The last thing she remembered was her children crying in her arms while her body was sweating with a high fever and severe chest and abdominal contractions and on the floor an empty poison bottle. This was on one of the nights of Ramadan in 2019; she says: “What tears me apart now is the last hug of my children and the pleading look that didn’t stop me from taking the poison, and I couldn’t erase it from my memory.”
Suicide: A Grim Outcome of Violence
H.Q. holds a stitch in her shoulder, saying it was a stab she received from her husband a month before her suicide attempt with poison. “That evening a dispute broke out between us; the children were crying while he was asleep and I couldn’t silence them, he asked me to take them out of the house in the middle of the night, and I refused. At the same time, I was working on sewing a neighbor’s dress for a small amount, he didn’t want me to work or leave the house and wasn’t interested in the children’s needs,” H.Q. says bitterly.
She looked down to continue recounting the events: “Suddenly I felt him standing beside me, his hand wrapped around my neck, and when I tried to push him away to escape, he took the scissors from my side and stabbed me in my shoulder, cursed me, and tore the neighbor’s dress.” H.Q. rushed to her father’s house seeking salvation, refusing to return to her husband.
“My husband came to my father with a neighborhood elder. All my father did was ask him to write a written commitment not to hit me. My father said he did this to please the neighborhood elder and advised me to return to my husband ‘to not destroy my home,'” she said.
She continues: “I felt alone,” and when asked about her siblings, she said: “My older brother is abroad and has many responsibilities; he supports my father’s family, his wife, and children; that’s why I couldn’t turn to him. As for my younger brother, he is still a student in school.”
H.Q. returned to her husband’s house and worked hard to start a new chapter in their relationship. According to her, “He stopped hitting me, but I wasn’t spared from his insults. I tried to encourage him to find a job, and that’s when doubts started to haunt him, he took my phone and said I had to use his phone if I wanted to communicate with any of my family members.”
She checks her hand while speaking to us, and sighs in sorrow before continuing: “He used to lock the door with an external lock when he went out to look for a job, and he continued to do so afterward. When I told my father, he told me to try to regain his trust.”
H.Q. belongs to one of the rural areas of Taiz City and moved with her husband to live in the city after he found a job there. The distance between her and her parents, who live in the countryside, increased, and it extended to nine hours after the outbreak of armed conflict and the blockage of main roads. She says: “All roads were blocked, and I remained a prisoner in the house. My husband returned to hitting me over the slightest disagreement, especially when he got annoyed by the sounds of our children. I thought a lot about suicide, and when I lost my patience, the only thing in front of me was the insect poison we used to spray in the corners of the house.” H.Q. mixed insect poison powder with water and drank it, except that the amount wasn’t enough to kill her.
“I lost consciousness, my husband took me to the hospital and left me there, then called my father and told him that I tried to commit suicide. My father didn’t come to visit me and waited until I recovered to send one of his acquaintances to take me to the countryside. There, I asked for a divorce and my brother helped me to obtain this right,” says H.Q.
Today, H.Q. lives in Aden with her brother who returned from working abroad and established a business project there for himself, and she now works with him on the project, in a financial accounting position. She is trying to regain her self-confidence after being overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy. She expresses herself by saying: “I studied accounting at Al-Khansa Institute in Taiz before I got married, and after marriage, my husband prevented me from seeking any job opportunities. I used to see my colleagues at work while I remained hostage to feelings of inadequacy.”
The Story is not Over Yet
H.Q. helped us reach many women who are living through serious psychological repercussions due to the domestic violence they face. All of them insisted on not mentioning their names, to ensure their safety. Among them are women living under the influence of chronic depression, unable to seek help from psychologists, as this is considered a stigma in the community.
We contacted the psychologist Anwar Hamood, and shared with him many of the stories we encountered, seeking his advice. He responded with the following: “The psychological repercussions of violence, such as anxiety disorders, insomnia, and suicide attempts, cannot be resolved by medication alone if not accompanied by psychotherapy sessions lasting for at least several months.”
He added: “Psychiatric clinics receive several women weekly who have been driven to madness by the effects of trauma and failed suicide attempts, and they only come to us after going through various people who suggest treatment through religious exorcism, as their families believe they have been afflicted by demonic possession, which complicates matters further. This leads to patients stopping their visits after the second session and cutting off communication with us.”
According to Anwar, hospitals are filled with women who believe they have nervous problems in their colon and stomach, while in reality, these organic issues are nothing but manifestations and reflections of the psychological pressures they have been under for a long time.
Lack of Statistics
Anwar Hamood says: “Accessing real and accurate statistics on the number of women exposed to domestic violence is challenging in a closed society. Our society does not stigmatize women being subjected to violence, but it stigmatizes the psychological repercussions. Therefore, 90% of women do not receive psychological treatment despite their urgent need for it, and despite its dangerous repercussions on the family itself and entire generations, based on the assumption that raising children is the primary function of women.”
Psychiatrist Wafa Sa’ad confirms, saying: “Most of the marital and family problems that come to my clinic are fundamentally based on harsh upbringing. If it’s not physical violence, then it’s mostly psychological, which has led many women to develop psychological disorders, such as fear, anxiety, and depression, alongside low self-esteem.”
Dr. Wafa Sa’ad suggests that there should be a subject called “Family Education” in high schools that clarifies the terms, concepts, and correct mechanisms on which the family is built. She emphasizes that most cases of domestic violence occur between spouses, so there is an urgent need to establish counseling offices for those affected.