Hebah Mohammed – Women in Development and Peace
In Yemen, marriage is a cornerstone of customs and traditions that paint a unique picture of a rich and diverse heritage, varying across regions and tribes. While these customs reflect a rich cultural legacy, the phenomenon of spinsterhood reveals a delicate balance between past and present. Tribal traditions clash with modern social challenges, leaving a deep mark on the lives of Yemeni women.
Marriage customs in Yemen are diverse, influenced by a range of deep-seated factors, and form a fundamental pillar of individual and community life. Factors influencing marriage within tribal society are varied, including economic, social, and cultural elements that play a crucial role in shaping the concepts of marriage and spinsterhood.
Tribal Influence
Tribal influence on marriage in Yemen is central to shaping the concepts of marriage and spinsterhood in communities that adhere to tribal customs and traditions. Tribal values and traditions are an essential part of Yemeni societal identity. Marriage is bound by strict standards related to lineage and tribal affiliation, forming an integral part of the social and cultural identity of Yemenis and playing a crucial role in regulating social relationships and marriage.
Intisar Al-A’bar, a community activist, says, “In some tribal communities in Yemen, marriage is tied to specific tribal traditions and values, making it harder to choose a partner from a different tribe—or even outside one’s own tribe or clan. This can lead to higher rates of spinsterhood.”
She points out that most tribal families and communities in Yemen impose significant conditions and pressure on young people regarding marriage and choosing a suitable partner. This negatively impacts freedom of choice, increasing cases of spinsterhood when individuals don’t meet these expectations.
Dr. Mahmood Al-Bukari, a social expert, explains that cultural and social factors contribute to the rise of spinsterhood in Yemen, particularly concerning girls’ education. In some traditional communities, there’s still strong resistance to educating girls, especially at the higher or university level, and sometimes even secondary education.
He explains that some families prefer to marry off less educated or illiterate girls, believing they will be more accepting of household chores, agricultural work, and similar responsibilities. This impacts children’s upbringing and overall societal development.
Zuhra Faraj, a community activist, points to the profound impact of patriarchal norms in Yemeni society and their crucial role in restricting women’s freedom to choose a life partner. This culture prevails in many Yemeni communities, giving men control over marriage decisions and making women subservient to family and community decisions. Women find themselves forced to comply with what their families or society dictate, without freedom of choice, due to the dominance of heroic culture and societal customs that obscure their freedom and limit their options.
Escalating Expenses
Al-Bukari says, “Yemeni social customs and traditions play a huge role in determining marriage rates, but lately, they’ve been seriously hindering young people because of exaggerated marriage demands. Lately, there’s been a growing trend of excessive wedding demands and costs, with people imitating the extravagant practices of wealthy families. This has massively increased spinsterhood, especially in cities. Because of these financial pressures, a lot of young men are going back to villages to get married; it’s way cheaper than in the cities.”
Social researcher Amal Baqarin points out that some customs that have emerged in Yemeni society, such as the preference for marrying off young girls, have diminished the chances of university-educated or working women finding marriage. In some circles, educated women are looked down upon because of mixing with different groups in society.
Educator Naseem Ismail sheds light on another aspect of the problem: three million rials has become the minimum wedding cost, a social norm among Yemeni families, making marriage unaffordable for many young people. She shares a personal experience, highlighting the conflict Yemeni women face between education and early marriage. All her sisters got married young and quit school, but she prioritized her education over marriage.
She notes that within the context of conservative Yemeni conditions and traditions, men and women are expected to play specific roles. Women are expected to leave their education to focus on the home, raising children, and serving the family. These responsibilities are hard for university-educated girls to accept, leading to many failed marriages when social expectations clash with the ambitions of educated women. As a result, successful marriages are becoming increasingly rare.
She also explains that traditions sometimes discourage men from relying on their wives to boost income, making it rare for young men to marry working, university-educated women.
Spinsterhood and Jobs
Reem Mohammed, a university student, says, “Young men and women in Yemen, especially in some tribes sticking to old customs and traditions, believe a girl risks a lot by deciding to go to university or get a job. Guys here usually avoid marrying university graduates or working women, unless it’s a rare exception.”
She adds, “This aligns with studies on this phenomenon, which confirm that there are more than half a million Yemeni women over thirty who haven’t married,” noting the widespread problem of spinsterhood, especially among university and postgraduate graduates.
Rejection of Unmarried Women
In many Yemeni areas, particularly rural and tribal ones, unmarried women face tough social challenges due to deeply rooted customs and traditions. In these environments, not being married is seen as a failure to fulfill one’s social role. Marriage and family are seen as the primary, obligatory goals for women.
Activist Zuhra Faraj says, “Within Yemeni customs and traditions, an unmarried woman faces negative views from the tribe, worsening her already vulnerable position in tribal society. Failure to marry and have a family is seen as proof she hasn’t fulfilled her social role, and she’s considered a failure in the eyes of society, not having achieved the main goal expected of her: starting a family and taking on the responsibilities of marriage and motherhood.”
Dr. Iman Al-Hamdi, a psychological and social expert, confirms that the tribal view of unmarried women reflects a belief that their situation is a disgrace to the family and tribe, pushing families to try and marry them off to anyone suitable, as long as they are from the same tribe. This thinking stems from misguided values and traditions that emphasize marriage as a social institution and place great importance on tribal connections.
Unmarried women also face many challenges in their communities; Dr. Al-Hamdi explains they might face suspicious looks and discrimination due to their social status. Some people may show pity, while others may be unfair and discriminatory toward their rights and opportunities because they see them as “spinsters.”
Al-Hamdi points out that some rural areas in Yemen show intense rejection of unmarried women, especially in environments that prefer marrying off girls young. These communities see early marriage as a deeply rooted tradition, so as women get older, they face immense pressure and oppression from family and society.
She sees this as putting women in a tough spot, forcing them to marry anyone who proposes to avoid isolation and social marginalization. In contrast, younger girls can set conditions for marriage because, in their social development, they tend to choose partners carefully, according to their personal standards.
Challenges and Consequences
In some tribes, women face huge challenges due to the impact of customs, traditions, and social discrimination. There is no doubt, that women in these tribes are affected by these traditions.
Intisar Al-A’bar, a social activist, points out that women under tribal influence face many psychological challenges. They feel like machines controlled by others, their lives managed, and their roles limited to listening, obeying, and meeting others’ expectations. This can negatively impact their self-esteem, reducing confidence, dignity, and self-respect.
Psychologist Adhwa Mohammed confirms that women whose marriages are delayed often experience low morale, depression, and lack of confidence, negatively impacting their lives. These negative effects heavily impact women; they feel overwhelmed, excessively worried, ashamed, and disgraced in society.
She suggests that in the absence of religious restraint, spinsterhood might drive women to develop deviant relationships, stemming from negative feelings towards married women. This can escalate to plotting to ruin others’ marital happiness and stability.
Al-Hamdi adds, “Psychological factors in women who marry late sometimes reveal feelings of frustration and deprivation. Women naturally want companionship; losing this can lead to frustration, despair, and psychological, emotional, and material deprivation.”
She points out that as women age, they may feel unwanted, causing anxiety, psychological stress, and depression. Marriage and childbirth are essential in traditional Yemeni society, part of a woman’s values and upbringing, potentially pushing some to make sacrifices for marriage.
She notes that some families, facing spinsterhood, might resort to harmful behaviors like sorcery, trying to get their daughters married. The spread of spinsterhood can also break down some marriages through extramarital affairs.
She suggests spinsterhood can negatively affect a woman’s professional competence due to societal pressures. She might work not out of self-fulfillment but to secure her financial future or escape social reality, leading to accepting unsuitable job offers.
The negative societal impressions of spinsterhood create social crises and harmful cultures; an unmarried woman is considered a “failure” in her traditional societal role, increasing pressure and marginalization. These misguided ideas contribute to the decline of moral values and the spread of negative phenomena like sex trafficking.