Haneen Al-Wahsh – Women in Development and Peace
News outlets circulated a press release prepared by the Arab Gulf Center for Studies and Research in 2021, about the phenomenon of spinsterhood in the Arab world. The release ranked countries based on the age of marriage, and according to it, Yemen came in 14th among Arab countries in terms of the percentage of spinsterhood, estimated at 30%, a low rate compared to other Arab countries suffering from a wider spread of this phenomenon, such as Lebanon, Tunisia, and Iraq.
Even though Yemen faces economic and social challenges, this percentage could reflect specific cultural and social factors, such as traditions and practices related to marriage.
However, a survey we conducted confirmed, according to the testimonies of social specialists, that spinsterhood is seeing a rise in some Yemeni cities due to the increasing number of females compared to males, many of whom have been drawn into armed conflict. The testimonies we obtained indicate that spinsterhood is higher among working women, which raises several questions.
The reluctance of some young men to marry working or employed women can be attributed to several social, cultural, and economic factors, perhaps most importantly traditional beliefs in some Yemeni communities. Traditional beliefs still prevail that a woman’s role should be at home, which leads to a preference for marriage to non-working women.
Some young men may also feel anxious that a working woman will be more independent, which could lead to feelings of insecurity or competition in the relationship. In some cultures, working women may be seen negatively, as it is believed they are less able to fulfill traditional roles in the home.
Deprivation from Work
Numerous societal factors have contributed to the deprivation of Yemeni women from their right to work. With the absence and inconsistency of statistics, estimates published by the International Labor Organization a year before the armed conflict confirmed that “the participation rate of Yemeni women in the labor market is only 6%, while only 7% of jobs were held by women.”
The deprivation of women from work in Yemen reflects a range of cultural, social, and economic challenges, and is the result of many factors, most importantly male dominance in the labor market, which reflects the lack of equal opportunities for women. There is also a lack of social awareness about the importance of women’s presence as partners who possess talents and skills that can mobilize the stagnant local market and contribute to supporting the country’s national economy and reducing unemployment.
In addition to misguided customs and traditions that prohibit women from working or diminish their value negatively, this limits their chances of achieving financial independence and participating effectively in society. With two-thirds of society living below the poverty line, depriving women of work negatively affects the economic capacity of families, exacerbating poverty and suffering.
Fear of spinsterhood is one of the reasons for depriving women of work, as confirmed by psychologist and social specialist Shaima Al-Az’azi. She says: “A large segment of society prevents their daughters from going to work for fear that it will make them vulnerable to societal rejection, thus reducing their chances of finding a suitable husband. Many men, especially expatriates, refuse to marry a working woman on the grounds of her mixing with men, or because her work will limit her role as a housewife or a mother suitable for raising and caring for children.”
She adds: “I have witnessed many such stories. One of my friends was forced to take medication for depression due to the family pressures she was subjected to, demanding she leave her job so that her cousin would not break off his engagement with her, as he stipulated that she must leave her job to complete the marriage procedures.”
She believes that the refusal of men to marry a working woman has recently declined due to economic deterioration, which has forced many families to send their daughters to the labor market just like their sons to improve the family’s living conditions. Shaima adds: “However, the refusal to marry a working woman is still present and strong in our societies, where most of the men work abroad, with the justification that the expatriate man wants a housewife, nothing more.”
Some news reports also indicate that some young men experience feelings of jealousy when they see girls achieving educational and professional success, which can trigger feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. Some educated or semi-educated men believe that women’s education may diminish their traditional role as breadwinners, leading them to think that an educated woman will seek independence, making the man’s role marginal. They therefore tend to seek a less educated partner, whom they feel they can control in the relationship, providing them with a sense of power to control events.
The Enemy of Marriage
Our survey results align with what psychologist Shaima Al-Azizi has said: 70% of men prefer to marry a woman who doesn’t work. They justify this by saying, “A woman’s work is at home.” This common saying is still held by many in Yemeni society, which has been influenced by harmful customs that have seeped into our culture. Yemen saw its greatest historical and cultural moments when women like Queen Bilqis and Arwa Al-Sulaihi held power, creating a real shift in ancient and modern Yemeni history.
Some of the people we interviewed believe that men working in the professional sector prefer to marry working women. On the other hand, expatriates and men in other professions worry that a woman’s work will affect child-rearing and attention to what they call “household duties” like preparing food, raising children, tending to their farmland, and looking after livestock while the husband is away.
Basma Ahmad (a pseudonym) said she was forced to leave the workforce so she could get married. She explained: “Some men fear that their working wives will compete with them, which will affect their social standing. There’s also the traditional view of women that sees their primary role as caring for the home and children.”
She also emphasized that men could face social pressure from their families or communities if they even considered marrying a working woman.
The phenomenon of young men escaping to villages to choose a wife points to a range of social, economic, and psychological factors. One of these factors is the belief that a working woman will be too busy with her work or studies, which could negatively affect her ability to fulfill family responsibilities. Marrying a working woman can also require a larger budget because of the dowry and wedding expenses. Young men may also face social pressure from their families or communities concerning their choice of a wife, which may make them lean towards less expensive or less complicated options.
“Our Mistakes Judge Us”
Anwar Sarhan, a psychiatrist, confirms that many of his colleagues had their mothers choose their wives. They ended up marrying women who didn’t work because mothers opposed their sons marrying working women. Mothers look for women who will dedicate themselves to their husbands.
He sees these misguided judgments as having caused many families to become destitute once the head of household falls ill, dies, or is laid off. This increases the risk of unemployment in Yemen and reinforces the bad effects of economic decline.
He concludes by saying: “As a society, we are judged by our mistakes,” pointing to the psychological and societal risks of men refusing to marry educated women, as well as the economic risks, like the general decline in marriage rates, which affects family and societal stability and deepens the gap between the genders, leading to more tension and conflict.
He suggests some measures to address this issue, most importantly changing societal views about working women, encouraging their participation in the economic and social sphere, and encouraging couples to cooperate in running the household and raising children, sharing responsibilities, and providing daycare services for children to facilitate women’s work. He also believes that laws should be amended to ensure equality between men and women in work and family life.
Sarhan calls on all organizations, and social, political, and humanitarian components to raise societal awareness about the importance of women’s work and its role in economic and social development. He says: “We must work to change mindsets and social norms and provide a supportive environment for working women.”
Many working women experience inner conflict because they can’t reconcile their desire to marry with their professional ambitions. This leads to a higher rate of depression and anxiety in society as a whole and women in particular. This phenomenon also leads to many risks that negatively affect individuals and society.