Hanan Hussein – Women in Development and Peace
In Yemeni society, marriage is a significant milestone for both men and women, and delaying it can bring considerable social pressure. Women, for example, might face criticism or negative judgment from society and family, increasing feelings of stress and isolation, and potentially leading to mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
Generally, the impact of delayed marriage on women in Yemen largely depends on their personal and social circumstances and can have both negative and positive aspects.
Delayed marriage in Yemen is often accompanied by a harsh social stigma; a woman is labeled a “spinster” if she’s over 35 and unmarried. This term is used negatively, making women feel like they’ve failed to fulfill their expected social role, especially in traditional communities where married women are more respected and socially accepted.
Many women who delay marriage also face immense social pressure. Instead of focusing on their personal or professional achievements, they’re judged solely on their marital status. This often leads to social and emotional isolation, especially if the woman lacks family or community support.
Some stories highlight women who lost their families’ support after exceeding the customary marriage age. Conversely, other women resisted this pressure and successfully transformed their experiences into success stories. Despite these individual successes, the problem of social stigma persists and affects many women in Yemen.
Spinsterhood and the Conflict
The armed conflict in Yemen pushed many women into the workforce to support their families due to the country’s economic downturn and the loss of jobs by family heads, with unemployment soaring. Work became the priority over marriage for women.
With the intensification of the conflict and its economic and social repercussions, women bore the brunt of these consequences, forcing them to make urgent changes in their priorities.
The story of Fatima, 30, reflects a painful aspect of the conflict’s impact on women’s lives in Yemen. She lost her entire family in a bombing that targeted their home, radically altering her educational path and imposing a different reality on her. She says, “The conflict made me see my dreams destroyed; like rubble in a corner of what was once our neighborhood.”
Fatima shouldered immense responsibilities at a time when she wasn’t mentally or practically prepared, causing thoughts of marriage or romantic relationships to fade from her life. She adds, “I lost my home and family and had to take on huge responsibilities. I was 25 then, and my interest in relationships diminished.”
She continues, “I missed the boat, and I no longer have any room to think about a romantic or marital life. I spend my time moving from one job to another, constantly searching for a way to live a decent life in an increasingly catastrophic security situation.” Her story represents thousands of Yemeni women affected by the conflict, who found themselves forced to bear the responsibility of survival despite the hardships.
Classism and a Narrow-Minded Perspective
“Don’t marry an educated woman; her kitchen is empty, but her library is full.” With this phrase, Susan’s fiancé ended their engagement, claiming that her prestigious law degree and substantial salary made her unsuitable for marriage, in his view.
Susan says, “Months after announcing our engagement, I was surprised by his message saying: Marriage is destiny, and we won’t continue this journey together. I reject your job, and I prefer that you leave your work and dedicate yourself to me and the house. Which I completely refused.”
This condescending view of Susan by her fiancé is countered by another condescending view imposed on Fatima, 35, who was forced into marriage with her cousin as a second wife to prevent family assets from leaving the family. Sighing, she says, “I was forced to marry my cousin after my family rejected everyone who proposed to me from outside the family, on the grounds of preventing assets and inheritance from going outside the family.”
Her sister, Suad, confirms: “Our father refused to marry me and my four sisters off because he owned a lot of property, and he wanted us to marry our cousins who were failures in their studies and work. I refused, and my sister Fatima reluctantly agreed, but she ended up becoming a second wife alongside four others. It wasn’t even a year before our cousin (her husband) married three more women; some he divorced, and others he stayed with.”
Today, Suad helps raise Fatima’s children after she decided to reject the forced marriage her father imposed in the name of tradition. She sews to pass the time and says, “My father kept refusing all suitors from outside the family until he died. I expected my brothers to change things, but unfortunately, they continued his path.”
Faulty Calculations
In another story, Nadia, 30, says: “I’m a girl with beauty, intelligence, and good morals, and I belong to a respected family in my area. I completed my postgraduate studies, and when suitors came, I’d refuse them with various excuses—my desire to finish my education, pursue self-fulfillment and get a job, and improve my skills and study languages.”
She continues, “When I turned 30, I started feeling that my friends were becoming mothers, and their kids were in school. I realized I’d deprived myself of marriage and family for flimsy excuses that I could have managed better. It wouldn’t have been hard to balance my ambitions and start a family like other women.”
Nadia continues, “I recently quit my job and stayed home. Despair hit me because of the pitying looks I get from family; they see spinsterhood as a deficiency in a girl, and marriage as completing half of one’s religion.”
She adds, “When I get into an argument or heated discussion with the family, the first thing they attack is my not being married. Their words increase my pain and hurt. I feel that everything I did for them, despite its importance, isn’t significant compared to not having achieved marriage and starting a family. Maybe the impact of the looks from those around me is greater than my need for this state of being.”
This psychological pressure led to Nadia feeling lonely and isolated. Despite her academic achievements, she feels lost and regrets not balancing her personal and professional life.
Unconventional Mindsets
Laila, a Yemeni girl, refused to marry a man she disagreed with and who didn’t appreciate her ambitions. Her family wanted her to marry him just because he was wealthy.
Laila faced immense pressure from her family, who wanted her to marry someone she considered unsuitable, but she held firm to her decision. Despite facing loneliness and social isolation, and her friends distancing themselves to avoid her envy, as she describes it, the fear of the future still haunts her.
The story of Mohammed Saeed, 40, highlights the effects of the family and societal environment on the concept of marriage among some men in Yemen. After his father’s early death, Mohammed lived with his mother, who faced constant harassment from family and society, leading Mohammed to decide to live far from his father’s family.
Mohammed, who became a successful businessman thanks to his hard work since childhood, reached the age of 40 unmarried. Although his mother pressured him to marry, his family experience pushed him away from the idea of marriage.
His story represents a different kind of psychological and social pressure that affects men as well. Early family experiences and psychological challenges can create barriers to their desire for marriage and relationships, just as societal and economic pressures affect women.
These stories reveal many different and interconnected reasons behind delayed marriage among women and men in Yemen. However, this delay can have significant repercussions on their lives and requires comprehensive solutions that include changing societal views of women, providing suitable job opportunities, promoting education, and protecting women rights.